#ark

But I didn't want to be anyone's green card ticket, meal ticket, cook, washing lady, housemaid, personal masseuse, baby machine, regularly-scheduled-hole in the mattress. Only to end up dead, discarded, buried in a ditch somewhere, dumped into the big, blue sea, all used up. Boys should just stay home and fuck their mothers. ↗

— Angela S. Choi

#home

Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#dionysus #gods #humor #names #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #internal-thoughts #monsters-in-the-dark #sharks #humor

The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it. ↗

— Ashly Lorenzana

#experiences #fucked-up #humor #identity #love

I can see myself before myself— A being through dark scenery. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#being #circling #dark #dark-scenery #dejan-stojanovic

Are we talking hell hounds and flames here?" Des asked, pacing at the end of our beds. I repeated the question and gave a heaving sigh of relief when Jameson said I had the wrong idea. "He's going to 'lead us into temptation.'" "That doesn't sound so bad," Des said with a cheeky grin. ↗

— Terri Clark

#demons #hollyweird #paranormal #romance #teen

Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dark-jar-tin-zoo #edvard-munch #funny #humor #sallow

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs. ↗

— Michael Chabon

#futility #humor

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor

What did the Faerie that attacked you look like?" "Super creepy. Ripped jeans, weird tattoos, bad hair. And, come to think of it, really nice boots..." "Where?" "On his feet." Sonny winced and rubbed his temples. "Where were you attacked, Kelley?" "Okay, see...that was a joke. ↗

— Lesley Livingston

#faeries #humor #humor