#ash

What the fuck happened to you? [...] You look like you lost a fight with a lamprey. Hickey, hickey...bruise, bruise, bruise...bite. I thought that thing on your neck the other day was just a fluke. I guess not--looks like you get off on picking up a few souvenirs when you...get off. ~Crash ↗

— Jordan Castillo Price

#hickey #humor #vic #humor

[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep. ↗

— Thomas More

#fashion #humorous #renaissance #humor

He's wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I'd sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion choice. But why advertise the fact that you're at a university to all the other people who are at the university with you? ↗

— David Nicholls

#humor #humor

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not. ↗

— Nina Garcia

#fashion #humor #pants #style #tights

Emily smiled mischievously. "Your engagement was a rainy day occurrence? Afraid she would say no on a good day? ↗

— Devon Ashley

#humor #ordained #humor

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it. ↗

— David Eddings

#fashion #humor #humor

It's called loitering, which is like littering with human beings as the trash. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#litter #loitering #trash #humor

Poker isn't all about the cards. Poker's mostly about attention. You got a woman whose legs are like yours, tits are like yours, hair is like yours and ass is like yours, all she's gotta do for me is sit there and half the men at the table won't be concentrating on their cards. They'll be thinking about your legs, tits, hair and ass, how much they want 'em and just what they'd do to get 'em." "I appreciate the compliment, Ty, but I don't think I'm all that." "You got a dick?" I felt my mouth twitch. Then I answered, "No." "Trust me ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#kristen-ashley #lady-luck #humor

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you'll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you'll run into every ex you have. ↗

— Tim Gunn

#humor #humor

Rubbish!" screamed a fat, elderly woman, in Richard's ear, as he passed her malodorous stall. "Junk!" She continued. "Garbage! Trash! Offal! Debris! Come and get it! Nothing whole or undamaged! Crap, tripe, and useless piles of shit. You know you want it. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#trash #humor