#at

Aliens—if they exist—are little green men with big eyes and spindly arms or…or giant insects or something like a lumpy little creature.” Daemon let out a loud laugh. “ET?” “Yes! Like ET, asshole. I’m so glad you find this funny. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#katy #funny

I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #leather #new-car-smell #strange

And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it. ↗

— George Eliot

#human-nature #funny

I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this." My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#bonus-points #daemon #embarrassing #funny #katy

Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #funny #timmy #funny

And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#rules-of-attraction #funny

I'm sure I look like a drowned cat." "You look fine. The wet look works for you." I scowled. "Now I know you're lying. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#daemon #funny #katy #funny

Kat," Hale groaned, then fell back onto the pillows. "Funny, I didn't hear a doorbell." "I let myself in; hope that's okay." Hale smiled. "Or the alarm." She stepped inside, tossed a pocket-size bag of tools onto the bed. "You're due for an upgrade." Hale propped himself against the antique headboard and squinted up at her. "She returns." He crossed his arms across his bare chest. "You know, I could be naked in here. ↗

— Ally Carter

#ally-carter #bishop #carter #hale #heist

I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #planet #population #sexy

I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #karate #funny