#ate

Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#attorney #been #claims #cruise #exhaustion

According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#already #been #chance #got #here

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#bush #debate #during #each #edwards

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#arnold #arnold schwarzenegger #bad #california #calling

I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#cynicism #favorite #hate #i #lead

In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#alzheimer #backed #brain #bush #cell

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#chances #changed #elections #five #had

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#charlie #charlie sheen #confirming #dating #doctors

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#announced #found #gene #located #loudly

Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#because #began #crying #fans #finally