#ban

What she needs,' Tom said aloud 'is a husband.' Agnes said crisply, 'Well, she can't have mine. ↗

— Ken Follett

#husband #humor

Even more blood welled up and spilled down his arm, splattering onto the ground. “Camille’s carpet,” Magnus protested. “It’s blood,” said Will. “She ought to be thrilled. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#camille-belcourt #humor #magnus-bane #will-herondale #humor

Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth. ↗

— Kevin James Breaux

#humor #urban-fantasy #humor

America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#banksters #humor #lawyers #lobbyists #politicians

Simon laughed heartily. “I’m afraid the rest of us have to find talents to get our women into bed. Of course once they’re there, I have other talents that keep them right where they are.” “Handcuffs hardly count,” Christian said offhandedly. “If you mean the ladies cuffing me to the bed so they can explore Hunt Island,” he said, rubbing his chest, “…then point taken. These hands are capable of making any female climax by the mere brush of a pinky across her bare breast.” “I must have gone to the wrong island,” I said with a private laugh. ↗

— Dannika Dark

#breast #climax #handcuffs #humor #paranormal

How about a rain check?' She smiles, but I know it's not real because it doesn't crinkle her eyes. 'Sure. Some other time.' I nod and grab my car keys. Before I flip the light on in the grage, she's behind me, tugging on my backpack. 'You want to go to school? Fine. But you're not driving. Give me the key.' 'I'm okay, Mom, really. I'll see you tonight.' I plant a quick kiss on her cheek and turn to the door again. 'That's nice. Give it to me.' She holds out her hand. I clench the key in my fist. 'You practically shoved that car down my throat Monday, and now youre taking the key. What did I do?' 'What did you do? Well, for starters, you used your face to stop a cafeteria door from swinging open. ↗

— Anna Banks

#funny #humor #of-poseidon #funny

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#husband #marriage #toads #wife #humor

I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy. ↗

— E.J. Stevens

#paranormal #paranormal-romance #urban-fantasy #young-adult #humor

...In Paris she found Magnus, who was living in a garret apartment and paiting, an occupation for which he had no aptitude whatsoever. He let her sleep on a mattress by the window, and in the night, when she woke up screaming for Will, he came and put his arms around her, smelling of turpentine. "The first one is always the hardest," he said. "The first?" "The first one you love who dies," he said. "It gets easier, after. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clockwork-princess #magnus-bane #tessa-gray #will-herondale #love

No amount of saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I trust you’ makes it true when it isn’t. ↗

— Maya Banks

#i-love-you #maya-banks #trust #love