#be

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me. ↗

— Jay London

#because #i #identity #identity theft #me

If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-ashes #funny #isabelle #funny

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#endgame #funny #unhappiness-nothing #funny

A lot of people go searching for “Truth.” But they can’t be searching too hard, because very few of them ever think to look under my bed. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #truth #funny

If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#because #friendship #good #good marriage #love

He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I’m Ali. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#cole #funny #funny

Writing, basically breaks down to relationships between people and that is what you write about. ↗

— Leon Uris

#basically #between #breaks #down #people

I want to remember our fallen heroes. And after I’ve spent a day remembering them, I want to extend my arm and help them up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#heroes #remember #funny