#be

She was so young how could she understand… Exactly how young was she Matthew’s mouth went dry. “Dearest how old are you ” “Almost twenty.” Damnation. He was a bloody cradle robber. ↗

— Lydia Dare

#robber #underage #humor

Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House-- with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. ↗

— John F. Kennedy

#nobel-prize #white-house #humor

Something inside me shuts down and I'm too numb to feel anything. It's like watching complete strangers in another Hunger Games. But I do notice they omit the part where I covered her in flowers. Right. Because even that smacks of rebellion. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#rebellion #rue #humor

Aww, you know my verbal stingers are only poisoned with love ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor #laurie-faria-stolarz #love #mocking #humor

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humor #sex #technology #technophobes #wit

What is this? Some sort of galactic hyperhearse? ↗

— Douglas Adams

#zaphod-beeblebrox #humor

Don't seek love externally, it's fleeting. Go beyond the ego and awaken the love that already exists within; it will encompass everyone and everything in your life; it will permeate your very being. ↗

— Danielle Pierre

#consciousness #life #love #spirituality #life

And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks? ↗

— Catherine Gilbert Murdock

#obedience #parenting #humor

Bet you ten bucks we make it." What are the odds? she thought, and realized with sudden, blinding clarity that she wouldn't take the other side of that bet, that only a loser would bet against them. This is really it, she thought, amazed. This is really forever. I believe in this. "Min?" he said, and she kissed him, putting all her heart into it. "No bet," she said against his mouth. "Your odds are too good." "Our odds are too good ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor #jennifer-crusie #romance #humor