#bs

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#amazement #amazing #commas #editing #funny

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #birth #bizarre #child #children

If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #wife

If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #lovers #age

Our shouting is louder than our actions, Our swords are taller than us, This is our tragedy. In short We wear the cape of civilisation But our souls live in the stone age ↗

— Nizar Qabbani

#age

At the age of four, I wanted to be eight. At the age of eight, I wanted to be 16. At the age of 16, when I started driving, I wanted to be a Ferrari. And now, at the age of middle, I want to be Stalin’s mustache and matching armpit hair. But only for personal reasons, not political. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #political #stalin #age

I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #funny #humor #love #surrealism

I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #sunrise #age

You learnt that, whatever you are doing in life, obstacles don't matter very much. Pain or other circumstances can be there, but if you want to do a job bad enough, you'll find a way to get it done. ↗

— Jack Youngblood

#circumstances #doing #done #enough #find