#car

Dancing?' Annabeth asked. Thalia nodded. She cocked her ear to the music and made a face. 'Ugh. Who chose Jesse McCartney?' Grover looked hurt. 'I did. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #jesse-mccartney #thalia-grace #humor

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt ↗

— Dannika Dark

#careful #dannika-dark #funny #humor #mageri

I am no coward sir! I shall stand and fight!" "Well, I am," said Sal. "So can we go... please? ↗

— Alex Scarrow

#bravery #cowardice #eternal-war #humor #humor

Fuck you," Alex growls. He shoves back his chair and walks away. "That's the old Alex I used to know! I understand that language loud and clear," I call after him. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

He bowed jokingly, and everyone laughed as Mrs.Anderson shook her head. "Did you even read the material?" "of course I did." "Who was the leader of the North?" "Lincoln." "No, he was the president." "Yes, which means he was the fucking leader of everyone." -- Carmine ↗

— J.M. Darhower

#darhower #humor #sempre #humor

Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons. ↗

— Ryan North

#humor #science #humor

[Yankees] are pretty much like southerners except with worse manners, of course, and terrible accents. ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#rhett-butler-to-scarlett #southerners #yankees #humor

Tumbling into a dark, Lewis Carroll labyrinth of filth, pursuing a white rabbit of smut! ↗

— Russell Brand

#lewis-carroll #smutty #humor

I don’t care what other people think about me. Most people are idiots, and they can think whatever they want. ↗