#cas

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#dark-humor #ego #egotism #egotist #funny

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah. ↗

— Jessica Fortunato

#fairytale #funny #heart #love #sarcasm-humor

He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot. "Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood

Double Sword Tavern.” Tristan said, reading out loud. “Sounds charming and inviting. ↗

— B.C. Morin

#funny #sarcasm-humor #funny

Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile. Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this? Too harsh? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Sophie," he said, and when she gave him a stern look, he took a hasty swig of the posset. “Miss Collins. I have not yet had a chance to properly apologize to you, so let me take it now. Please forgive me for the trick I played on you with the scones. I did not mean to show you disrespect. I hope you do not imagine I think any less of you for your position in the household, for you are one of the finest and bravest ladies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #clockwork-princess #gideon-lightwood #infernal-devices #love

We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to let him live. "What is painting doing in my best Tupperware bowl?" I yelled. "Well, I needed something lightweight I could carry around with me," he began. "You've been carrying around a brain for year," the boy's father said. ↗

— Sylvia Harney

#home-disasters #humor #parents #sarcasm #home

Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are guy. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon." "You noticed," said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#bisexual #cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #funny #gay

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is." "I would," I said, "but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #sarcasm #taste #humor