#ch

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#busy #characters #could #create #died

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#building #choose #down #elevator #escalator

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#confusing #die #fun #i #other

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#bird #child #door #glass #running

I am still making order out of chaos by reinvention. ↗

— John le Carre

#chaos #i #i am #making #order

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#before #church #come #dropped #everybody

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#average #average person #dead #grateful #grateful dead

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#catching #especially #feeling #happen #happened

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#finish #fit #get #go #good

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#bar #council #even #high #high school