#chi

I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#future #sleep #time-machine #funny

I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fish-tank #funny #nonsense #pacifism #funny

I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chicken #funny #family

Loki'd! ↗

— Tom Hiddleston

#funny #god #hiddleston #loki #mischief

It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded. ↗

— Toba Beta

#fun #funny #succeeded #watch #watching

She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#funny #romance #funny

What a schmuck! ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #kids-lit #lemony-snickets #series-of-unfortunate-events #funny

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#attack #bear #camp #camping #funny

Right now I'm doing four shows at a time, trying to read four outlines every week, four scripts every week, and watching four rough cuts; it's a lot of good work. It's fun to do it, but it does wear you out. ↗

— Aaron Spelling

#does #doing #every #four #fun

At least you left out the oh-my-God sauce this time." "Made myself a batch with it," Shane said. "It's got the biohazard sticker on it in the fridge, so don't bitch if you get flamed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#chilli #funny #morganville-vampires #funny