#ck

What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another -" "It's not," said Harry cheerfully. "It's a letter from my godfather." "Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!" "Yes, I have," said Harry brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy.... ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#godfather #harry-potter #humor #sirius-black #humor

It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-" "You invented the internet?" It was my idea, Martha said. Rats are delicious, George said. "It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#hermes #humor #internet #martha #percy-jackson

Um, uh, gah. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#love #percy-jackson #humor

Where were all the women gamblers? It wasn't as if being a woman wasn't a huge risk all by itself. Twenty-eight percent of female homocide victims were killed by husbands or lovers. Which, come to think of it, was probably why there weren't any women gamblers. Living with men was enough of a gamble. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#gambling #humor

Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don't think it's accurate to say, 'Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried. ↗

— John Green

#humor #paper-towns #humor

I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #picket-fence #social-commentary #humor

Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people." She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?" "Oh..." I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um... ↗

— Rick Riordan

#flirting #humor #percy-jackson #rachel-dare #humor

Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror. "Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #romance #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #humor

This is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #jason-grace #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena

Phineas leaped to his feet, giving Vanda a appalled look. "Vanda! Why'd you do it?" "What?" Vanda stood. Phineas slapped a hand against his brow. "you can't attack these people jut because you hate Naruto! ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#naruto #vanda #love