#coffin

If you don't have humour, then you may as well nail the coffin lid down now. ↗

— Roger Moore

#down #humour #lid #may #nail

Before he sat down, my internal heat-seekers sensed what was coming my way: deep blue eyes that melted girls like Velveeta in a microwave. I tried to resist those microwave eyes, but sometimes there's no defense against them. I had a feeling I'd be seeing him weeping over my coffin later that night. ↗

— Natalie Standiford

#humor #microwaves #natalie-standiford #humor

Today, a couple with 'just married' tags collided head-on with a hearse carrying two coffins in the back, both of a married couple that had previously died in a car accident. ↗

— Anthony Liccione

#bad-marriage #coffin #couple #curse #death

People who leave Washington do so by way of the box... ballet or coffin. ↗

— Claiborne Pell

#box #coffin #leave #people #washington

Raven: "You don't have a hot date, do you?" Alexander: "Yes. I do, as a matter of fact." Raven: "You do?" Alexander: "Yes, and it is almost ending. ↗

— Ellen Schreiber

#alexander-sterling #ellen-schreiber #raven #raven-madison #the-coffin-club

Perhaps because it seems so appropriate, I don't notice the rain. It falls in sheets, a blanket of silvery thread rushing to the hard almost-winter ground. Still, I stand without moving at the side of the coffin. ↗

— Michelle Zink

#coffins #death #funerals #rainy-day #death

I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coffin #death #funny #gift #humor