#dr

Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "if you were a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful." "yes," said jace. "or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #humor #jace #humor

Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike." Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on." Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?" It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #karrin-murphy #women #humor

I already have one Sheepbiter here,” said Eragon, and laid a hand on Saphira. “Why would I need another?” Angela broke out into a wide smile. “So you’re not entirely devoid of wit after all! There just might be hope for you.” And she danced off toward the keep, twirling her doublebladed staff by her side and muttering, “Fire? Bah!” A soft growl emanated from Saphira, and she said, Be careful whom you call Sheepbiter, Eragon, or you might get bitten yourself. Yes, Saphira. ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor #humor

The door buzzer sounded again. The two boys exchanged a single look before both bolting down the narrow hallway to the door. Jordan got there first. He grabbed for the coatrack that stood by the door, ripped the coats off it, and flung the door wide, the rack held aboe his head like a javelin. On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?" Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful." "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #coatrack #coats #funny #humor

I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some." Ebenezar tsked. "Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

I have lost everything. Lost everything. Everything. - William Herondale ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clockwork-angel #william-herondale #will-herondale

Never trust a duck. ↗

— Will Herondale

#the-infernal-devices #will-herondale #william-herondale #will-herondale

She made an impatient noise. "By the Angel, you don't know anything about your kid, do you? Do you even really know how vampires are made?" "Well, when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much ... ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #funny #humor #isabelle-lightwood #simon-lewis