#eat

I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lipstick #love #thesis #funny

Who was it that said, “Men are but wheat, and the government is the bread”? Ah yes, that was my grandfather, who shouted that shortly before hurling a loaf of bread at President Hoover during the great depression. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#government #great-depression #herbert-hoover #maxim #metaphor

I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #relationships #retaliation #revenge

There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #greatness #humor #obscurity #funny

The workforce offers many outlets for personal growth to people of limited potential. You can explore your aptitude for drudgery. Or if you are the creative sort, you can join a corporation and have it come up with your ideas for you. The amount of great ideas corporations have today is astounding. They are far more original than people ever were. In fact, since the rise of the corporation I can’t think of a single person who invented anything. ↗

— Bauvard

#creativity #funny #humor #inventions #jobs

A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician does his patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant. ↗

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

#does #extravagant #fever #his #ill

I just like the idea of this creature or a being on the roof, you know? It's kind of spooky. ↗

— Will Sergeant

#creature #i #idea #just #kind

Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks. ↗

— Eric Sevareid

#dealing #death #ducks #executives #like

Elizabeth disliked the tragic, martyred image of Virginia Woolf which grew up after her death. When she read the first volume of William Plomer's autobiography, At Home, in 1958, she told him that ‘only you seem to bring back Virginia's laughter - I get so bored and irked by the tragic fiction which has been manufactured about her since 1941. ↗

— Victoria Glendinning

#death

Man becomes weak or ill by accident as a consequence of the lack of resources. Even the most severally ill patients must be treated with the aim of restoring their health. ↗

— Michael Servetus

#aim #becomes #consequence #even #health