#gh

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #laugh #warning-labels #funny

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you? ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny #jess-mastriani #relationships #rob-wilkins #when-lightning-strikes

Yet the ivory gods, And the ebony gods, And the gods of diamond-jade, Are only silly puppet gods That people themselves Have made.- ↗

— Langston Hughes

#free-thought #philosophy #religion #art

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#funny #goodnight #gwen #funny

Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#keladry-of-mindelan #lady-knight #tamora-pierce #funny

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, “Hey, now there’s the Jarod Kintz we all know and love.” and I smiled, but inside I thought, “Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #laughed #murder

The woman rolled her eyes. “DarkRiver males are damn possessive and complete exhibitionists during the mating dance.” Sascha ran through her dictionary of changeling terminology and could find no fit. “Mating dance?” Mercy whistled. Dorian winced. Tamsyn suddenly got interested in her dough. Clay and Vaughn mysteriously disappeared. Behind her, Lucas’s body was a hard wall of heat. “I think we need to discuss this upstairs. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#lucas #nalini-singh #sascha #funny

In art as in love, instinct is enough. ↗

— Anatole France

#enough #instinct #love

If I could sew comedy and philosophy together, then I've done a good job. The primary goal is always going to be laughs and the secondary goal is always going to be saying something without it being a lecture. ↗

— Hal Sparks

#being #comedy #could #done #goal