#h

Despite her cough, Rose was in unusually good spirits. That was irritating. If I’m to trade my life for Rose’s, I’d appreciate her exhibiting a touch of melancholy. Also acceptable would be despair. ↗

— Franny Billingsley

#humor

Good God, but life could be less than easy, not that he was unaware that it could certainly be a lot worse, but to go about in such a state, pulse high, face red, worried sick that someone would notice how nervous one was, was certainly less than ideal, and he felt sure that his body was secreting all kinds of harmful chemicals and that the more he worried about the harmful chemicals the faster they were pouring out of wherever it was they came from. ↗

— George Saunders

#life #worrying #humor

I stared at my broccoli with all kinds of menace. ↗

— Juliann Whicker

#humor

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent. ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #satire #humor

My name is Markowski. I carry a badge. Also a crucifix, some wooden stakes, a big vial of holy water, and a 9mm Beretta loaded with silver bullets. I was never a Boy Scout but "Be Prepared" is still a good motto to live by. Especially if you plan to keep living. ↗

— Justin Gustainis

#humor #mystery #paranormal #humor

[…]Frisbee people won’t let it go. My theory is that this is because there’s a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor

Children are our future. We cannot allow them to run amok. -pg. 167 The Collected Sayings of the Emperor "The Demon's Daughter ↗

— Emma Holly

#humor

The only thing that's worse than people who say "I am what I am" is people who say "I yam what I yam" while doing a Popeye imitation. ↗

— Ariel Leve

#humor

For Liza, a greeting is an opportunity to make new friends. For me, it's yet more people I'll have to avoid. ↗

— Ariel Leve

#people #humor

You know, you can always do a three some.” “A three some?” I frowned. “No.” He shrugged. “Just a thought.” “Yeah, a dumb one,” I spat. “Hey! I didn’t call your idea to re-wallpaper the kitchen a dumb idea!” “You have a problem with the new paper?” I demanded. “Pop, please, it’s hideous,” Trick said. ↗

— Kira

#comedy #humor #humor