#hee

You will rarely make wise decisions if you surround yourself with fools ↗

— Rasheed Ogunlaru

#being-wise #decision-making #fools #friendship #rasheed-ogunlaru-quotes

An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cream-cheese #donkey #ice-sculpture #nonsensical #open

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out. I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #joke #kate #funny

I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fat #funny #pants #tuna-fish #funny

At that point in time, there were three things in life that I knew for certain: (1) I was a girl who’d never met a site she couldn’t hack or a code she couldn’t break, (2) I had a roundhouse that could put a grown man in the hospital, and (3) I would without question chop off my own hands before I’d come within five feet of a pom-pom ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#funny #funny

You tell your brother he's gonna pay for that car in silver. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#funny #revenge #werewolf #funny

I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #blush #communist-manifesto #e-l-james

This quote will self-destruct in....4....3....2...1...Just kidding...Or am I? ↗

— Craig Benzine

#humor #wheezy-waiter #wheezywaiter #youtube #youtuber

...‘All this suffering,’ I said, ‘and nothing but greed and violence to build on when the war is over.’ ‘Have another soda-mint,’ said Charles. I had one. Then I said, ‘Why are we here? That’s what I don’t understand. Why be here at all when it all has to be so beastly?’ ‘I suppose we just came, like mould on cheese.’ ‘Then why do we want to be happy? Mould on cheese doesn’t want to be happy.’ ... ↗

— Joyce Dennys

#meaning-of-life #home

Burn you, Nerim, that's a leg not a bloody side of beef!' 'As my lord says,' Nerim murmured. 'My lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my lord, for instructing me. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor #jordan #mat #nerim #rand