#hr

Will you sleep with me?" he asked softly, before grinning suddenly. "In the tub? ↗

— Shelly Crane

#clara #eli #humor #tub #humor

The bottom line is that after we defeat the armed forces of Iraq, that we will want to and need to provide stability throughout that country. ↗

— Peter Pace

#armed #armed forces #bottom #bottom line #country

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. ↗

— Victor Borge

#anything #aspirations #because #between #else

The Christian notion of the possibility of redemption is incomprehensible to the computer. ↗

— Vance Packard

#computer #incomprehensible #notion #possibility #redemption

When we got to the moron who was sitting in the only path to the stairway, Adam caught my waist and lifted me over before stepping over the man himself. “Scott?” Adam said as we headed upstairs. “Yeah?” “Unless someone shoots you, skins you, and throws the results on the floor, I don’t want to see you lying in the walkway again.” “Yessir! ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #silver-borne #threats #humor

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#christmas #humor #humor

Godshawk looked surprised, the way that people generally do when you ask them philosophical questions in shrubberies in the middle of the night. ↗

— Philip Reeve

#philosophy #shrubbery #humor

Fred coughed, which caused Sam and Ellie to look over at her. “Hey, Ellie. Watch this.” Mentally apologizing to her oldest friend, Fred seized Jonas by the shirt collar and heaved him out of his chair and through the (fortunately open) sliding door. Jonas was densely built (“Deliciously so,” Dr. Barb might have said over the sound of Fred’s retching), but no match for Fred’s hybrid strength, and the air velocity he achieved was really quite something. Fred ignored his wail (“My sundaeeee!”), which became easier to do the fainter it got. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#sundae #throwing-friends-out-doors #tossing #humor

It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#imagination

Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#fluke #imagination