#hr

If I owned a house that had a bathroom with no toilet, only a urinal, I’d call that the number one room, and I could easily both describe it and point to it with one finger. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #toilet #urinal #funny

Life is too short to dance with ugly men ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #so-true #funny

If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #scottish #funny

That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me. ↗

— Jon Acuff

#christianity #funny #funny

"Joss" "What?" "What?" Dylan asked back. "You just said my name." "No I didn't" "Sorry that was me." I sat up, banging my head on the roof. "Who is that?" "Hey, stay down here where the air is good, okay?" Dylan pulled me gently back down. "Hows your head?" "Not good, I think." "Um, okay, so you here me. Heather's right, you do think loud. I mean, I've never heard you before, but my Talent seems to be a lot more selective than her's. But now that she's got me turned in to you-" "Who are you?" "It's still me, Marshall. It's Dylan. I'm right here." "My name's Joel." "Joel?" "Joss, what are you talking about?" He took my face in his hands. "Who's Joel?" "The voice in my head, I guess." "Jesus. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#chronicles #curfew #funny #heroes #susan

There are four categories of questions Emmily asks: 1. Can I please go to the bathroom? 2. Where is the bathroom? 3. Is it okay if I raise my hand and ask a question? 4. I don't understand anything you've said in the last thirty minutes. Could you explain it again? Also the last six weeks. ↗

— Jim Benton

#dumb #funny #question #funny

I simplify the spices. I'm the same way as everybody else: if I look at a recipe and there's ten spices in it, I'm going to have to think long and hard about when I'm going to be able to make that... so I try to simplify the spices to three or four. ↗

— Aarti Sequeira

#about #else #everybody #everybody else #four

As a former Catholic, and as someone who even today is not opposed to being called a Christian, I felt I had every right to use the symbols of the Church and resented being told not to. ↗

— Andres Serrano

#called #catholic #christian #church #even

There are three rape scenes that I've had to act in, and none of them have gotten to film. I don't think it's something that should be promoted in any way. ↗

— Joan Severance

#any #film #gotten #had #i

Television is so influential that when an audience sees you day-in and day-out there's a certain acceptance that sets in; you're no longer a threatening personality. They become more willing to accept whatever you present. ↗

— Doc Severinsen

#acceptance #audience #become #certain #day-in