#hum

Liberal, shmiberal. That should be a new word. Shmiberal: one who is assumed liberal, just because he's a professional whiner in the newspaper. If you'll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you'll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian. And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners. ↗

— Berkeley Breathed

#humor

He's stubborn," Tux warned in a singsong tone. "Stay out of this," Mark spat. "And touchy," Tux added. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#demon #fablehaven #humor #keys #mull

So this was where lust was satisfied. If I'd been an old-time miner I'd have asked for my gold nugget back. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#brothels #disappointment #humor #humor

Seedy wasn't a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #humor

He sucked his lips in an attempt not to laugh. "Aren't you Spanish?" She raised one arm in a salute. "Viva la Queen Isabella!" "I see. Then why are you speaking with a French accent? ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. ↗

— John Connolly

#children #humorous #humor

That's all you've got for me?" I drew a long breath and let it out slowly. "You know. I might be able to get more clues from Google. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #inspirational #humor

He stripped to his trunks, then dove into the pool. We all watched as he broke the surface and climbed from the water, his muscles slick and wet, his green eyes glowing in the half light of the glass ceiling. I heard Natalie and Sara both sigh, and Harry murmur that it almost made him want to go gay. Coby stretched out on a chaise beside me and asked, “So you still sorry you moved here? ↗

— Lee Nichols

#humor #pretty #humor

Just so you know Labrodor retrivers do not howl.Begals Howl.Wolves howl. Labs do not howl, at lestnot well. Marley attempted twice to howl, both times in answer to a passing police siren, tossing back his head, forming his mouth into an O shape, and letting loose the most pathetic sound Ihave ever heard, more like gargling than answering the call of the wild. Butnow,no question about it he was howling. ↗

— John Grogan

#humor

How do you kill something that's already dead? Nobody knows enough about them. Ask Jason. He'll have an opinion. Wait a moment. Rachel could see Corinne talking to Jason, but they were too far ahead to hear. He says you chop them up into little pieces. But what if that infects you with the disease? Jason leaned closer to answer Corinne quietly. She laughed. You let Nollin do it. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #mull #rebellion #seeds