#hum

I was on the floor. "Um, a little help?" Christopher put his hand down. Martini cleared his throat and Christopher's hand retracted. "I can handle it, thanks." "There's nothing amorous about pulling someone off the floor," Christopher muttered. "There is when I do it. ↗

— Gini Koch

#humor #sci-fi #humor

Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#love #speed #humor

how devastated I am to say that I will not be present at your petite soiree on June 10th. Unfortunately, the exceptionally weak drinks you ordinarily serve at these occasions are not sufficient to dull my senses to your boyfriend's futile efforts to grope me in the hallway. ↗

— Lady Arabella Snark

#insults #snark #humor

What had happened to the old Jack Grammar, the one who would have flubbed it somehow? Well, I reasoned: I could still flub it. Let the flubbing begin! ↗

— Alex Bradley

#humor

I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” I said. “My name’s Zara. I’m strong, I’m fast, and I totally kick ass. It’s great to be me...but that means right now it sucks to be you. ↗

— Skyla Dawn Cameron

#urban-fantasy #humor

Curse you, cheap beer. Must find miso in tiny packet. ↗

— MCM

#hangover #humor #malediction #humor

I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking what to do wit ye once I got ye there. So wee Archie can just go and play at marbles with his bollucks, aye? ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#love #romance #humor

Don't Blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't Blink. Good Luck. ↗

— Doctor Who

#humor

Paranoia is just a heightened state of awareness. I didn't say it, but I repeat it often enough. ↗

— Gerald Everett Jones

#humor #humor

You can argue with God, you just cant win. ↗

— Lizzy

#humor #humor