#hum

Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit. ↗

— John Prine

#jesus #humor

there is only one type of people on this planet: morons there are, however, two types of morons : one knows and the other is in denial ↗

— L. F. Aday

#humor

There, I was just a secretary-shaped confederation of atoms, fighting the inevitability of mediocrity and decay. But here, in the Juliaverse... energy was never lost, merely converted from one form to another. Here, I took butter and cream and meat and eggs and I made delicious sustenance. ↗

— Julie Powell

#humor #humor

He tugged on an imaginary rope,somewhere on the level of his ear, and then jerked his neck to one side, tongue protruding, eyes bulging. As quick pantomimes went, it was disturbing. And then he let go of the rope and smiled his familiar grin. Would you like some potato salad? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

What did people do before they could go online and find answers to secret problems? Oh right, they killed themselves ↗

— Davida Wills Hurwin

#humor

Lesly: I don't think you're insane.  Jackie-O: You don't?  Lesly: No.  Jackie-O: You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane?  Lesly: I don't think you're insane. I think you're just spoiled.  Jackie-O: Oh please, if everyone around here is going to start telling the truth, I'm going to bed. ↗

— Wendy Macleod

#plays #humor

The house seemed to have all the comforts of little Children, dirt and litter. ↗

— Jane Austen

#jane-austen #humor

All yours, sweetheart,” Smithe added. “And Steele, I’m talking to Donovan. If there was ever anything sweet about you the Polar ice caps might melt. ↗

— Cheyenne McCray

#levity #humor

I'm a sucker for a guy with a big organ. ↗

— Marc Acito

#humor #humor

If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck? ↗

— Joel Samaha

#inquisitive #humor