#hum

In recent weeks it has come to my attention that many caravans have met with disaster; they have not gotten through." I grunted wisely. "Probably ran out of water. That's the thing about deserts. Dry." "Indeed. A fascinating analysis. But survivors reaching Hebron report differently: monsters fell upon them in the wastes." "What, fell upon them in a squashed-them kind of way?" "More the leaped-out-and-slew-them kind. (...) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #humor

That macho protective bullshit is just some asshat man pissing on his territory so the other dogs will stay away. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#humor

After moral poisoning, one requires physical remedies and a bottle of champagne. ↗

— Stendhal

#humor #humor

He sighed. It was a long sigh, weary and worldly-wise. The kind of sigh you could picture God heaving after six days of hard work and looking forward to some serious cosmic R&R, only to be handed a report by an angel concerning a problem with someone eating an apple. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#spunky #humor

I pushed back my chair and leaned against the table, then swung back to Tens. 'And if you're not nicer to me I'll just wiggle my eyebrows or purse my lips or whatever the hell I do to kill everything around me and then you'll be dead. And then we'll see who gets the last laugh.' Pg.51 ↗

— Amber Kizer

#humor

preps are like cheerleaders, except less jumpy ↗

— Katie Alender

#humor

I stepped forward. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to keep his focus on me and not Annabeth. I think it’s polite for a guy to protect his girlfriend from instant incineration. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #humor

Lucifer will be furious with you for failing, but it's not like he can do anything about it. Women don't always do what you want, even if you're Lord of the Underworld. ↗

— Trinity Faegen

#humor #strong-willed #women #humor

I have lived as plain Mr. Jinnah and I hope to die as plain Mr. Jinnah. I am very much averse to any title or honours and I will be more than happy if there was no prefix to my name. ↗

— Muhammad Ali Jinnah

#jinnah #title #humor

But they're already singing our praises!" "They are Americans. They toot their horns for anything. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#enthusiasm #humor #humor