#hum

It's only life. We all get through it. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#life #living #survival #humor

I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world." "I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#lilith #monsters #rebellion #teenagers #humor

Another last-minute, good-deed job,” Royce grumbled as he stuffed supplies into his saddlebag. “True,” Hadrian said, slinging his sword belt over his shoulder, “but this is at least a paying job.” “You should have told him the real reason we saved him from Trumbul— because we wouldn’t see the hundred tenents otherwise.” “That was your reason. Besides, how often do we get to do royal contracts? If word gets around, we’ll be able to command top salaries.” “If word gets around, we’ll be hanged. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #jazz #miles-davis #humor

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#engagement #humor #jealousy #marriage #humor

Out on the moors, The lonely moors, I roll around in sheep poo. Heathcliff, it's youuuuu, I hate you, I love you tooooo. Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee, Catheeeeeeee. Look out of your windooooow. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Unicorns," I said. "Very dangerous. You go first. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #unicorns #humor

I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#philandering #truth #humor

Liberal, shmiberal. That should be a new word. Shmiberal: one who is assumed liberal, just because he's a professional whiner in the newspaper. If you'll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you'll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian. And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners. ↗

— Berkeley Breathed

#humor

He's stubborn," Tux warned in a singsong tone. "Stay out of this," Mark spat. "And touchy," Tux added. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#demon #fablehaven #humor #keys #mull