#hum

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#humor #humor

I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so I will refrain. ↗

— Julie Halpern

#flautist #flute #geek #humor #music

I hope you’re not planning on kicking me,” he said, not even bothering to look up from his book, “as hard as you did those doors.” “I will,” I said, “if the next words out of your mouth are Pierce, you just need to relax. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#john #pierce-oliviera #humor

Yoh: Being popular with guys isn't something you can just stitch together! Haruna: What?! I Can't?! Yoh: OF COURSE NOT! Yoh: Mixing coke, tea and orange juice would taste nasty, right?! That's exactly what you're doing! ↗

— Kazune Kawahara

#humor #kazune-kawahara #popularity #yoh #humor

ڕەنگە پێتان سەیر بێت یەکێک هاوار لە دیوارەکان بکات بوەستێت؟ دیوارەکان گەورەترین ئافەتی سەر ئەم ئەستێرەیەن، پتر لە با دەجوڵێن و خێراتر لە شەپۆل دەڕۆن. ئاه ئەگەر دیوار نەبایە، شەرم نەدەبوو، شەرەف نەدەبوو، موڵک نەدەبوو، جەنگ نەدەبوو. لێمگەڕێن دەزانم ئەمە لۆژیکی پیاوێکی عاقڵ نییە، بەڵام ڕاستییەکی سادە و لەبیرکراوە، ئێمەی مرۆڤ بۆ ئەوەی تۆزێک باران لێماننەدات ئەو هەموو دەردەمان بۆخۆمان دروستکرد. ↗

— Bachtyar Ali

#war #humor

There is, I have heard, a little thing called sunrise, in which the sun reverses the process we all viewed the night before. You might assume such a thing as mythical as those beasts that guard the corners of the earth, but I have it on the finest authority, and have, indeed, from time to time, regarded it with my own eyes. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#mornings #sunrise #humor

She’s a serial kisser. I think her parents are French. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humor

Ellen rose to her feet. Jack thought for a moment she was going to storm out. Instead, she picked up the pitcher of hot fudge and poured the contents onto Leesha Middleton's pink jeans and fuzzy white sweater. "Oops." Ellen sat down again and went back to eating her ice cream. Leesha screamed, a sound that could be heard in Canada. Every eye in Corcoran's was on her. She slid out of the booth and swiped ineffectually at her jeans with a napkin.Then she plucked at her ruined sweater with her thumb and forefinger. "You...you...I can't believe you did that!" Ellen licked whipped cream from the back of her spoon and looked at Leesha calmly. Leesha was tiny, but she seemed to expand, like an amphibian taking on air, then she drew herself up and retrieved her pink leather purse from the bench next to Jack. It was smeared with fudge too. "You'll pay for that, I promise you," she said to Ellen in a voice that raised the gooseflesh on Jack's neck. Then she turned and left. For a moment, Corcoran's was totally silent. Ellen looked across the table at Jack's sundae. "Are you going to finish that? ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#fudge #humor #humor

Phury was the only other possibility, but he was a celibate with a broken frickin' heart. Not really man-whore material. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

I'm Charles Baker Harris...I can read ↗

— Harper Lee

#humor