#hum

Arik didn’t know how long he’d been in hell. Time was one never-ending, no-lube f&*k when you were in the dark and in agony. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

On November 18 of alternate years Mr Earbrass begins writing 'his new novel'. Weeks ago he chose its title at random from a list of them he keeps in a little green note-book. It being tea-time of the 17th, he is alarmed not to have thought of a plot to which The Unstrung Harp might apply. ↗

— Edward Gorey

#writing #humor

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #humor

I'm still convinced you're doing my GTO, you bastard. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

Sometimes women just need to cry. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#women #humor

You should have told her differently,' said Hermione, still with that maddeningly patient air. 'You should have said it was really annoying, but I'd made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and you really didn't want to go, you'd much rather spend the whole day with her, but unfortunately you thought you really ought to meet me and would she please, please come along with you, and hopefully you'd be able to get away more quickly? And it might have been a good idea to mention how ugly you think I am too,' Hermione added as an afterthought. 'But I don't think you're ugly,' said Harry, bemused. Hermione laughed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #order-of-the-phoenix #humor

Impressive vocabulary," Korbyn said. "I feel as though I should take notes." "I think she's making them up," Liyana said. "Half of them are not anatomically possible. ↗

— Sarah Beth Durst

#humor

Sidekick? Fuck you, porky. ↗

— Julie James

#insults #name-calling #humor

Sometimes I wonder if he has a philosophy. Maybe even a worldview. I'd like to sit down with him and pick his brain, just a tiny bit somewhere in the frontal lobe to get a taste of his thoughts. But he's too much of a toughguy to ever be that vulnerable. - R on M ↗

— Isaac Marion

#humor

If you're going to read minds, start with a simple one. ↗

— Richard Peck

#humor