#hum

If you can't impress them with your personality, baffle them with your bullsh** ↗

— Grandpa

#humor

I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humour #sense-of-humor #humor

You do that Helen", Mallory dared. "And tell him we said to f*ck off while youre at it". ↗

— Chloe Neill

#helen #humor #mallory #swearing #humor

A girl with plenty to do is sure to draw the interest of a man who's worth knowing. Be sure to get a hobby girls. ↗

— Barbara Jean Coast

#humor

One must love a cat on its own terms. ↗

— Paul Gray

#humor #humor

No dead people beyond this door,' " he read aloud from beyond the door. " 'And, yes, if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you're dead. You're not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, and stay the hell out of my bathroom. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor #julie-garwood #romance #humor

Have you ever been turned down by a girl who afterwards married and then been introduced to her husband? If so you'll understand how I felt when Clarence burst on me. You know the feeling. First of all, when you hear about the marriage, you say to yourself, "I wonder what he's like." Then you meet him, and think, "There must be some mistake. She can't have preferred this to me! ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#lula #stephanie #humor

You nearly killed eight people!" I managed to gasp out loud. "My count was closer to twelve," returned Havisham as she opened the door. "And anyhow, you can't nearly kill someone. Either they are dead or they are not. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor