#hum

Trust me-that toilet and me were best friends for the first few days I was here. ↗

— Alexander Gordon Smith

#humor

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on. -Annik Marchand ↗

— Ann Brashares

#humor #pants #humor

It's all right," Jeanne was yelling. "Yeah, you heard me, it's all right! Delos isn't dangerous. Not to us, anyway. Come on, you, get out of there! What are you doing hiding behind that pig? ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor

I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves "Our Lady of the Perpetual Astonishment ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #vonnegut #humor

If I take a tumble, I'll mae quite a splash, but at least I won't smash against the deck and make a mess. Still be dead, though. ↗

— L.A. Meyer

#mary-jacky-faber #pirates #humor

To be angry once in a while is really good fun, because it makes others so miserable. But to be angry morning, noon and night, as I am, grows monotonous and prevents my gaining any other pleasure in life. ↗

— L. Frank Baum

#humor

I could lose myself forever in that dark hair and those sweet love handles ↗

— Vera Brosgol

#humor

I am no coward sir! I shall stand and fight!" "Well, I am," said Sal. "So can we go... please? ↗

— Alex Scarrow

#bravery #cowardice #eternal-war #humor #humor

Despite his money and his looks and all the good-on-paper attributes he possessed, he was not a reader, and, well, let's just say that is the sort of nonsense up with which we will not put. ↗

— Eleanor Brown

#truth #humor

Players like rules. If they didn't have any rules, they wouldn't have anything to break. ↗

— Coach Lee Walls

#humor #sports #humor