#hum

Nondisclosure agreements and exclusivity agreements. Think like a corporation, lady. They've proven much better at enslaving the masses and pushing home their agenda than all of the terrorists in the history the human race put together. ↗

— Joseph Lallo

#home

Very well." He sat cross-legged on the floor of the cage. "You haven't run off so you want to talk. I will hear your explanation now." "Really, Your Majesty? So good of you to condescend. I'll try to use small words and go slow." "You're wasting my time. I know Jim betrayed me and you're covering for him. This is your chance to dazzle me wih your brillance or baffle me with your bullshit. You won't get another. When I get out, I won't be in the mood to listen. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#urban-fantasy #humor

Piss me off again and I'll rip you a new asshole and then fuck it. And that's just the foreplay. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#sexy-humor #humor

It's the other part I'm not so sure about. You got any advice for me on that, Lucan?" "Sure." The vampire grunted, his smile filled with dark amusement. "Dust off your knees,brother, because you may damn well end up walking on them before the night is through. ↗

— Lara Adrian

#humor #lucan #midnight-breed #humor

I hope you feel better today. Please ring me at work if you are dead. ↗

— Jaclyn Moriarty

#humor

All right," Mom said. She gave Samuel a stern look,"Now I don't know what's going on between you and my daughter and Adam Hauptman-" "Neither do we," I muttered Samuel grinned "We have it pretty well worked out as far as the sex goes. Adam gets it-someday-and I don't. But the rest is still up for negotiation. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#sex #humor

Is there a particular reason you keep biting vampires?" Will touched the dried blood on his wrists, and smiled. "They don't expect it." "Of course they don't. They know what happens when one of us consumes vampire blood. They probably expect you to have more sense." "That expectation never seems to serve them very well, does it? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.” Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway. Bones took my gun and casually handed it to Juan, who gapped at him in amazement. “You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that. My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine.” “And well she should have,” Bones agreed. “She’s mine. Kitten, and no one else’s. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor

♪Kyo-kun and Tohru sitting in a tree... K-I-S...♪ - Shigure Sohma ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor