#hum

Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred. "Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?" "Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?" "I forge’ the details," Hagrid chortled. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#dursley #hagrid #harry-potter #humor #pig

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#greek #humor #mythology #percy-jackson #sorry

No sight so sad as that of a naughty child," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you know where the wicked go after death?" "They go to hell," was my ready and orthodox answer. "And what is hell? Can you tell me that?" "A pit full of fire." "And should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there for ever?" "No, sir." "What must you do to avoid it?" I deliberated a moment: my answer, when it did come was objectionable: "I must keep in good health and not die. ↗

— Charlotte Brontë

#hell #humor #religion #death

We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#death

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #death

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #death

Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #death

So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —” “Don’t talk to your mother like that. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #ron-weasley #death

Did you hear that? I'm special. ↗

— Ally Carter

#zach-goode #humor

In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting. ↗

— Craig Raine

#music #stravinsky #music