#hum

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#futures-and-frosting #humor #marriage #tara-sivec #humor

How would you like to star in your very own commercial?" "I'd rather swim in battery acid. ↗

— Robin Benway

#humor #wait #young-adult-fiction #humor

I get no sense from his note at all,” said Will, bounding to his feet, “except that he can quote Tennyson’s lesser poetry. Sophie, how quickly can you have Tessa ready?” “Half an hour,” said Sophie, not looking up from the dress. “Meet me in the courtyard in half an hour, then,” said Will. “I’ll wake Cyril. And be prepared to swoon at my finery. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #humorous-quotations #will-herondale #humor

Jack and Jill ran up the hill, both for a little fun. Jack's plan was deception while Jill sought affection. And Jack wouldn't quit till he won. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor

Ignorance is bold, and knowledge is reserved ↗

— Thucydides

#humor

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls. ↗

— Matt Groening

#pledge-of-allegiance #humor

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the suspect. ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor

Hi there," squeaked a precocious little voice, "you are speaking to Chloe Fusakawa, and I have just learned how to answer the phone. ↗

— Gabrielle Zevin

#kids #little-kids #technology #humor