#hum

One minute she acts like she wants to be with me and I'm the one rejecting her. The next, she's got this barbed wire fence and barking dogs around her, like I can't even ask her the simplest questions." "And here I was assuming you didn't care about her." Stabbing his fingers through his hair, he groaned, "I don't!" "And you make it perfectly clear." Men. Idiots. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#love #men-and-women #relationships #humor

Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you ↗

— Charlie Brown

#inspirational #humor

Boss, please!" Winnie was almost crying, too. "Let me die in peace," Keller said, although she didn't realize she was saying it aloud until she heard the words. Then she added, "Don't you cry, Winfrith. You did a good job." "Boss, you're not dying! The blue fire did something - it healed us. We're all okay. But it's almost midnight! ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor

Don't eat earwax avoid roasted cabbage and look on the bright side of life -Angela ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor

Do you ever make silly mistakes? It is one of my very few creative activities. ↗

— Len Deighton

#mistakes #silliness #humor

Did you know that if Barbie was a real woman with those proportions, she'd have to carry her kidneys in her purse? ↗

— Lani Diane Rich

#humor #humor

The werewolf pointed at a bench next to the door into the Kirkwoods’ tomb. “Sit. Wait.” Did I mention werewolves were chatty? ↗

— Mindee Arnett

#just-kidding-not-really #supernatural #humor

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I need to walk past again? ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#love #love-at-first-sight #humor

Asshole," Ephraim muttered as he turned back around. Chris chuckeled. "Is that really any way to talk to your favorite child?" "You're not my favorite," Ephraim argued, but they both knew that was bullshit. "I don't have any favorites." "Puhlease," Chris said. "You fucking adore me... ↗

— R.L. Mathewson

#humor

This,’ whispered the Doctor to Romana, ‘is going to be like trying to find a book about needles in a room full of books about haystacks. ↗

— Gareth Roberts

#douglas-adams #humor #humor