#hum

Trust me, I never underestimate my charm or any of my other magnificent attributes. They work great on women. Alas, men tend to see me as an unwelcome rival. You, he might listen to. You're good at talking people into things." "What makes you say that?" "Because I'm perched in the rafters of a cannery, at risk from a man-slaying magical creature, and spending time with a drunk, a gangster, and an assassin at . . . what time is it? ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor

Rob looked a little shocked. "Don't you look at me like that," I snapped at him. "Just because I can't trim a beard don't mean I can't swear." "Like a sailor," he added. "I've never heard so many curses in my whole life. All combined. ↗

— A.C. Gaughen

#snappy-dialogue #humor

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paranoia #humor

Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn’t know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe it ↗

— Jayde Scott

#romance-love #humor

Jazz hadn't given her many details of exactly what life in the Dent house had been like, but he'd told her enough that she knew it wasn't hearts and flowers. Well, except for the occasional heart cut from a chest. And the kind of flowers you send to funerals. ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humor

We've got our heads pulled low inside of our hooded sweatshirts and our eyes are shifty. We look exactly like you'd expect someone to look if they were minutes away from committing a major crime. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#humor #teenagers #humor

Mom," Nathan called to her. Daisy pulled her gaze from the tent and the fleeting glimpse of Jack's bare back, the smooth planes and indent of his spine, the sliver of the white elastic just above the blue waistband of his jeans..."Hmm?" "What's a faaar ant?" he asked just above a whisper. "Fire." She chuckled and shook her head. "Fire ant. They have a nasty bite that burns." Nathan smiled. "Well, why didn't he just say fire?" "He thinks he did. ↗

— Rachel Gibson

#romance #humor

I'm going to be sick. I'm going to vomit that weird eggplant tapenade I had for dinner, and everyone will hear, and no one will invite me to watch the mimes escape from their invisible boxes, or whatever it is people do here in their spare time. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

I'll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that's probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. ↗

— Cassandra Duffy

#humor

The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor