#hum

The most valuable lesson man has learned from his dog is to kick a few blades of grass over it and move on. ↗

— Robert Brault

#humor

Intelligence. Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intellignece. ↗

— Thelma Ritter as Stella in "Rear Window"

#humor #rear-window #humor

There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life. ↗

— Raegan Butcher

#poetry #prisoners #humor

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story ↗

— Greg Giraldo

#religion #humor

I'm an instant atar. Just add Ester and stir. ↗

— David Bowie

#humor

That's our cue to depart." "They know something " I pointed out. "I know something too. I know we're going to attract a lot of unwanted attention if they keep screaming. And then we have to make up some ridiculous explanation about how we heard screaming through the vents in our rooms and we followed the sound back to the basement and we found these girls lying on the ground and pretending to be tied up by invisible rope because they're practicing for the regional mime championships." I blinked at her. "Is that explanation more or less believable than we woke up because two girls who are actually evil magicians tripped a magical alarm wired to a door in the basement we aren't supposed to know about " Scout paused for a minute then nodded. "Point made. ↗

— Chloe Neill

#magic #humor

Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. The other half, I'm trying to undo what I did when I didn't know what I was doing. That leaves, let's see now . . . one more half. That last half is divided into three halves, one for working, one for writing, and one for asking the mother of all rhetorical questions . . . WTF? ↗

— Suki Michelle

#humor

Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable. ↗

— Michael P. Clutton

#humorous-quotations #humor

By some miracle, Charlotte's polite smile never wavered. It was a proud moment for her. After all, it wasn't every day that a little old lady told you right to your face that your bosom was as flat as a flounder. ↗

— Olivia Parker

#historical #humor #regency-england #to-wed-a-wicked-earl #humor

What did you say, Arthur?" "I said, how the hell did you get here?" "I was a row of dots flowing randomly through the Universe. Have you met Thor? He makes thunder." "Hello," said Arthur. "I expect that must be very interesting." "Hi," said Thor, "it is. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #nonchalance #humor