#hum

Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#humor #humor

Don't yell at me." "This is not yelling. This is panicked loud talking! ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor

When a guy says,'I'll call you,' and he doesn't say when-that means he won't call you." Kit pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a couple buttons. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, smiling. "Madness," Kit whispered softly into his phone. "I meant I'd call you. This is me calling you. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor

What is that in his hand?" "A cleaver. As in-" "Butcher's knife." "You got it." "I hope not." "He does not look happy." "Are you sure it's a he?" "I don't want to know. ↗

— Ridley Pearson

#kingdom-keepers #knife #humor

A travesty of epic proportions,” Tock agreed. “How much you wanna bet they couldn’t even turn the computer on? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#humor

There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid! ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #parenthood #humor

You can't edit a blank page. ↗

— Very Wise Anonymous

#truth #wise #writing #humor

Sophie and I would use her Christmas break to make homemade treats from our very own kitchen. I mean, if thousands of meth addicts can do it, why can't we? ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

so people really do tear out their hair and beat the ground with their fists ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

Who is this man I’m supposed to interview, this man whose last name is the same as the color of my sweatpants? Is that a sign? ↗

— Andrew Shaffer

#humor