#hum

There are many premium writers, yes? Tolstoy, yes? He wrote War, and also Peace, which are both premium books. ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#humor #humor

Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be so judgmental. Am I right, or am I right? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#tara-sivec #humor

It looks as if I was thinking what you were thinking." "Actually, you weren't. I was really thinking I needed to ask you a question." "What was that?" "Do you think we should ask Goatee Guy how to find the caterer?" I smiled at him innocently as his eyebrows pratically met above his nose. "I am never going to share my pet peeves with you again." ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

Okay, okay, okay … go to your corners, boys. This is a nice Aubusson carpet you’re standing on. You get blood on it and I’ll have Fritz so far up my ass I’ll be coughing on his hankie. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#jr-ward #lover-mine #vampires #ward #humor

Now, this one might be a little stringy, but then again, it's fiddle player." That isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player." How can you tell?" It's PIPING hot!" Then blow on it first! ↗

— Stephen Sondheim

#sweeney #todd #humor

...like a scene from the swamps of Louisiana or the mind of Poe on opium. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#poe #humor

Nefarious. This is what we get when we hire a Yale boy.” “You missed sacrosanct earlier. And taciturn and glowering,” Jack said. “What’s glowering?” “Me, apparently.” Wilkins pointed. “Now that has to be a joke.” He turned to Davis. “You heard that, right?” Davis didn’t answer him, having spun his chair around to type something at his computer. “Let’s see what Google says… Ah – here it is. ‘Glowering: dark; showing a brooding ill humor. ↗

— Julie James

#jack-pallas #julie-james #something-about-you #humor

Where would David Copperfield be if Dickens had gone to writing classes? Probably about seventy minor characters short, is where. (Did you know that Dickens is estimated to have invented thirteen thousand characters? Thirteen thousand! The population of a small town!) ↗

— Nick Hornby

#humor #writing #humor

أعتقد أن التليفزيون وسيلة ثقافية هامة للغاية .. كلما وجدت شخصاً يقوم بتشغيله، أذهب إلى غرفة أخرى لقراءة كتاب ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor #reading #television #humor

Do you have a name I asked?" I asked. "Yes." He stared back at me, blinking. "What is it?" "Clover." He looked away and typed something into the computer. His mouth kept twitching, like he was trying to hold in laughter. "Seriously?" He pushed his sleeve up, giving me a view of a blue clover tattooed on his forearm. "I'm half Irish." And half shithead. ↗

— Tara Kelly

#humor #humor