#hum

Can I just say that I don't care if two planes or trains or whatever take off from different locations at different times and travel at different speeds. I am not traffic control, so why the hell would I care what time they'd pass each other? ↗

— Devon Ashley

#math #humor

You've got better boobs," i acknowledged. And just as we'd done each time we'd had this boobs-versus-legs conversation, we looked down at our chests. Ogled. Compared. ↗

— Chloe Neill

#humor

Such is the vastness of his genius that he can outwit even himself. ↗

— Steven Erikson

#humor

It was probably easier in the old days when the bad guys rode into town wearing black capes or whatever bad guys wore and the milk cows were ownded by honest people. Right off the bat, you'd know who you were dealing with. Now everybody dresses alike. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#sad-but-true #humor

If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days. ↗

— M. Leighton

#humor

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary numerals, and those who don't. ↗

— Ian Stewart

#computers #humor #humor

Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes... ↗

— Helen Fielding

#parents #humor

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #philosophy #humor

What in the name of Voldy’s pasty-white rear end was that? ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#expletives #humor #humor

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #humor