#hum

It's always gratifying to share a hobby with a friend, and pining for erstwhile suitors falls into that category. In the months to come, Libby and I would analyze our respective exes with the gusto and intellectual rigor of Jesuits. ↗

— Patricia Marx

#love #humor

Mistrust all men, and slay him whom thou mistrustest overmuch; and as for women, flee from them, for they are evil, and in the end will destroy thee. ↗

— H. Rider Haggard

#humor

There is nothing that I so greatly admire as purposefulness. I have an enormous respect for people who know exactly what they are doing and where they are going. Such people are compact and integrated. They have clear edges. They give an impression of invulnerability and balance, and I wish I were one of them. ↗

— Louise Dickinson Rich

#humor #impression #humor

I sheathed my blade and glared at him. "And here I almost thought you weren't a complete bastard." "Well, that's your mistake, not mine. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #jackal #humor

Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid. ↗

— Nicole Christie

#humorous #humor

It’s mind-blowing and delicious and better than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at the end of a rainbow. ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humor

I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed. ↗

— Victoria Schwab

#thinking #humor

Listen closely...this is the most important thing you need to know while you're here. Do not eat the haddock. They've been overcooking it terribly. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor

We were eating lunch when a chicken walked out of the woods. “Anna, look behind you.” She turned around. “What the heck?” We watched as the chicken came closer. It pecked the ground, not in any kind of hurry. “There was one more after all,” I said. “Yeah, the stupid one,” Anna pointed out. “Although it’s the last one standing, so it’s done something right.” It came right up to Anna and she said, “Oh, hi. Do you not know what we did to the rest of your kind? ↗

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

#humor

CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe. ↗

— Jen Campbell

#humor