#hum

You can’t be a bad girl, unless you actually do something bad." -Megan Barnett ↗

— E. Van Lowe

#ya-paranormal #humor

Loud ringing noises, I've discovered, upset Mr.Peepers. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor #noise #humor

They're going to leave me. All I wanted to do was lie in the dry prickly grass with my feet in a ditch forever. I could be a convenient sort of milemarker, I thought. Get to the thief and you know you are halfway to Methana. Where ever Methana might be. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor

I caught the earth with my ass when it came up to meet me. ↗

— Amber Kell

#humor

I'm not short. I'm just unusually not tall. ↗

— Hyesungie

#short-people #humor

If she’d been born at the right time they would have burned her over in Salem. ↗

— John Updike

#comic #humor #john-updike #humor

When someone does the same mistake two times, either he's stupid, or he enjoyed the first time. ↗

— Fady A. Rezkalla

#mistakes #humor

Actually, [Wax] said, we came here because we needed someplace safe to think for a few hours." Ranette: "Your mansion isn't safe?" Wax: "My butler failed to poison me, then tried to shoot me, then set off an explosive in my study" Ranette: "Huh.... You need to screen these people better, Wax. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #safety #screening #servants #humor

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!! ↗

— Neil Leckman

#humor

I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me ↗

— Haresh Daswani

#humor