#hum

Dieting makes me want to murder everyone around me. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#dieting-humor #diet

When you fall asleep after a big lunch you're really just saving up energy to work off all the calories later on. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#exercises #humorous-quotes #diet

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ↗

— George Carlin

#dream #funny #humor #wealth #dreams

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #dreams

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#philosophy #death

Then you remember the dream,” Mencheres stated. “That bodes ill.”   The fear of that made my reply snappy. “Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century?”   The shit’s gonna splatter, start buggin’, yo,” Mencheres responded instantly.   I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he’d just conveyed. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#dreams

See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?” A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#dreams

The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed. ↗

— Charlotte Bronte

#charms #dreams #heart #hidden #hopes

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future. ↗

— Bauvard

#contraception #funny #humor #funny

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #future #humor #love #lust