#hum

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#parenting #humor

If I fall out, pull this ring? What happens then? I sprout wings and fly?" -Spader in "The Never War ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke! ↗

— Bette Midler

#humor

Everyone hates clowns," Otis said. "Even other clowns hate clowns. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #otis #the-mark-of-athena #humor

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#writers #humor

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ↗

— Edgar Bergen

#humor

He just raised the dead with coke and cheeseburgers ↗

— Rick Riordan

#nico #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #humor

in a way,its nice to know thereare Greek god out there,because you have somebody to blame whaen thing go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by moster hags and blown up by lightning, and its raing on top of everything else, most people would think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some divine force really is trying to mess up your day. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

I'd tell him to go to hell, but it just so happens I'm stuck there and don't want to have to see him every day. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

He had a matching bandage on his head. We looked like two idiots who’d decided to have a head-butting competition ↗

— Kim Harrington

#humor