#hum

Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold." Question: What's the probability they will kiss? ↗

— Jenny Downham

#humor #love #math #humor

If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting. ↗

— Colette

#marriage #men #humor

I'm getting a girlfriend soon," said Michael in a serious tone, and everyone laughed. "You've got plenty of time for that, kiddo," said his father. "No need to rush." "Well, I don't want a boyfriend, Daddy," said Madeline. "Boys are dirty, and they make a mess when they eat." "I'd imagine the six-year-old ones would." Xavier chuckled. "But don't worry, they get better at it. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#xavier-woods #humor

Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some." Ebenezar tsked. "Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

There was enough tension in the room to send a fleet of the nervous running for their tranquilizers. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-stackhouse #humor

When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred. ↗

— Masashi Kishimoto

#best-naruto-qoute #best-qoute #childeren #history #humor

... for most practical purposes, Tarbean had two parts: Waterside and Hillside. Waterside is where people are poor. That makes them beggars, thieves and whores. Hillside is where people are rich. That makes them solicitors, polititians and courtesans. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#society #humor

Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet. ↗

— Cora Carmack

#humor

Girls," their mother interjected, "you must both stop being strange - it is unattractive. And don't forget your hats. It would be absolutely the end for me if you two came down with freckles at a time like this. ↗

— Anna Godbersen

#freckles #hats #humor #luxe #mothers

I left the clinic in a daze that had nothing to do with my head injury. Clear up in a week or so? How could Dr. Olendzki speak so lightly about this? I was going to look like a mutant for Christmas and most of the ski trip. I had a black eye. A freaking black eye. And my mother had given it to me. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor