#hum

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. ↗

— E.W. Howe

#women #humor

Acheron: You're really not right, are you? Nick: Yeah. I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#nick-gautier #humor

He pinched the name tag and ran his fingers under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON." "Charon." "Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon." "Mr. Charon." "Well done. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Someone ought to write a novel about me,” said Lebedeva loftily. “I shouldn’t care if they lied to make it more interesting, as long as they were good lies, full of kisses and daring escapes and the occasional act of barbarism. I can’t abide a poor liar. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#liars #novels #humor

I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots" or whatever. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#romance #writing-books #humor

It's all very well to put the government in the hands of the perfect man, but what do you do when the perfect man gets a bellyache? ↗

— David Eddings

#politics #humor

Fingerprints are like values--you leave them all over everything you do ↗

— Elvis Presley

#inspirational #humor

If you hurt her I'll make you pay. I may be old, but that doesn't mean I can't make you suffer." "Damn right. You've got the AARP on your side. ↗

— Shannon K. Butcher

#humor

Life just wants to be; but it doesn't want to be much. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor

Bump stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a heavy fur coat, with a black silk top hatcovering his fuzzy head and unnecessary sunglasses hiding his pale face. He looked like the Abominable Snowpimp. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#humor #humor