#hum

A karaoke bar?" Mitch glared at him. "You dragged us to a karaoke bar?" "She didn't tell me it was karaoke." "You know it's bad enough having to listen to you guys howl all the time. But this...this may be asking too much. Dogs. Singing." Mitch turned to the bar and lashed Smitty with another glare. "And no goddamn liquor. You know, as per shifter law, I could legally kill you. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #smitty #humor

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#butler #eoin-colfer #humor #humor

...it has been well said that it is precisely these moments when we are feeling that ours is the world and everything that's in it that Fate selects for sneaking up on us with the rock in the stocking. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

When one thing takes another away, what do we call that?” she asked my class. “Homicide!” I called out ↗

— Chris Colfer

#humor

A conclusion is the place you get to when you’re tired of thinking. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#thinking #humor

It was all I could do to not knock him down right there in front of Asher and climb on him. If I stunned him with a frying pan first, he might not struggle too much.… ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#humor

Runny's Nicpic One day Runny Babbit Met little Franny Fog. He said, "Let's have a nicpic Down by the lollow hog." He brought some cutter bookies, Some teanuts and some pea. And what did Franny Fog bring? Her whole fog framily. ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#humor

I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information....my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and under the classic caveat of 'loving each other very, very much,' explained that when a man and a woman hug tightly, the man plants a seed in the woman. The seed grows into a baby. Then she sent me to the pantry to get placemats. As a direct result of this conversation, I wouldn't hug my father for two months. ↗

— Sloane Crosley

#parents #sex #humor

I don't get why prom is like a mini-wedding these days...No one should spend that kind of money for a high school dance. ↗

— Deb Caletti

#humor

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. ↗

— Leo Rosten

#children #humor #w-c-fields #humor