#hum

Good things come in small packages. Shopping isn't a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages! ↗

— Shubham Choudhary

#one-liner #humor

You’d make an enemy out of me over a human?” The word “human” might as well have been “rodent. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

What's going on?" Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. "Why're you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love? ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #newt #thomas #humor

Bes had indeed put on his ugly outfit. He climbed onto the roof of the limbo and stood there, legs planted, arms akimbo, like superman-exept with only the underwear. I wasn't sure what to say except: "Put some clothes on!" "These children are under my protection," Bes insisted. "I don't know you," I said, "I never met you before today." "Nonsense. You expressly asked for my attention." "I didn't ask for the Speedo Patrol! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#bes #humor #sadie-kane #humor

Trying to drown me woman?" 'You can't drown a SEAL,' she said. 'How embarrassing would that be?' 'God yes. Shoot me, hang me, let me die of infection from a hangnail, but don't let me die in the water. They'd send me to hell on principle. ↗

— Maya Banks

#military #navy-seals #humor

I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole. ↗

— Mark Tufo

#tongue #zombie #humor

Silence, please? I'm trying to watch this documentary." Laurel nodded at The Bachelor. "I believe one of the females is about to present to the alpha. ↗

— Cara McKenna

#humor

I’m too big of a fan of sin and debauchery to be a Christian. ↗

— J.C. Wickhart

#humor #humor

Go ahead and laugh at Detroit. Because you are laughing at yourself. ↗

— Charlie LeDuff

#detroit #humor #literature #humor

No,” said Hermione shortly. “Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica?” “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #humor #out-of-character #quips #ron-weasley