#i

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing-- turn your toes out when you walk--- And remember who you are! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#alice-in-wonderland #french #humor #lewis-carroll #remember

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#employment #hilarious #humor #jarod-kintz #job

Xander: To read makes our speaking English good. ↗

— Ashley Gable

#grammar-humor #humor #language #humor

I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #pessimism #humor

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#humor #peanuts #humor

He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. 'These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?' I didn’t get a chance to answer before the shop door was thrown open and a furious war mage stomped in. Pritkin spotted me and his eyes narrowed. 'You shaved my legs?!' Mircea looked at me and folded his arms across his chest. I looked from one unhappy face to the other and suddenly remembered that I had somewhere else to be. ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way. - Breeze ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#remaining-silent #reticence #humor

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#humor

I think she just asked if she could touch my mango. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #mortal-instruments #humor

How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#brain #humor #thinking #humor