#ice

When I blow my trumpet to signal the glorious new morning, my cheeks bulge like two scoops of vanilla. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #ice-cream #trumpets #funny

Conscience is like a pet: If you spoil it by too much attention it'll start yipping at the most inopportune times. ↗

— Connie Brockway

#conscience #humor #humor

She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy. ↗

— Patrick Major Dallas OR

#dogs #gun #humor #husky #metaphor

I want to fly! I want to touch the sun!" "Finish your eggs first. ↗

— Lorraine Hansberry

#humor #inspirational #humor

Wir sind alle ein bisschen gestorben in diesem Krieg, glaube ich. Wie meine Mutter immer gesagt hat. Krieg tötet alle, auch die, die ihn überleben. ↗

— Hallgrímur Helgason

#humor #iceland #humor

Here are the two states in which you may exist: person who writes, or person who does not. If you write: you are a writer. If you do not write: you are not. Aspiring is a meaningless null state that romanticizes Not Writing. It’s as ludicrous as saying, “I aspire to pick up that piece of paper that fell on the floor.” Either pick it up or don’t. I don’t want to hear about how your diaper’s full. Take it off or stop talking about it. ↗

— Chuck Wendig

#aspiring-writers #humor #humor

Mr. Sand, do you think it's possible to fall in love in the space of a single day?" He smiled. "I wouldn't know. I only fall in love at night. Never lasts beyond breakfast, though. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#sarcastic-humor #humor

...passive voice is better than writing out a humongous number and taking the risk that your readers' brains will be numb by the time they get to the verb. ↗

— Mignon Fogarty

#numbers #passive-voice #writing #humor

‎"There are two ways to do great mathematics. The first is to be smarter than everybody else. The second way is to be stupider than everybody else -- but persistent. ↗

— Raoul Bott

#math #practice #presistance #raoul-bott #humor

Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valor, so was cowardice is the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a closet. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#cowardice #humor #humor