#james

What would I do without you? I'd die of stress and depression before nature killed me. ↗

— James Dashner

#james-dashner #the-kill-order #nature

Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine. ↗

— James Joyce

#james-joyce #meat #offal #ulysses #food

This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin." "Tell that to James Bond ↗

— Jennifer Estep

#comeback #funny #james-bond #web-of-lies #funny

I fixed your car," he said, tossing the keys from a jade dish on the little maple end table. I palmed them and eyed him speculatively. "You fixed my car?" "I have walked the earth for more than a century. I managed to pick up some skills along the way," he said, before reluctantly adding, "and one of them is finding skilled mechanics." I smirked, leaning against the wall. "You almost had me there." "I supervised," he insisted. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #pinata #questions

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #ocd #funny

Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other," he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #pet-names

Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #mama #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs." "I was curious! ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #vampire

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-steele #christian-grey #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-freed